I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
