i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
