he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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