alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Actions speak louder than pants.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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