tell your sister to shave her snatch
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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