So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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