she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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