i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
