Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
