can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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