How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
