I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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