thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
