Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize