i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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