tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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