i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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