I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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