I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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