I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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