It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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