I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
