dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
