i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
