It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
