My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
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Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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