i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
