You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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