i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
