my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My penis needs a shock collar
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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