i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
