How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
