OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
