so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
