Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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