Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
