Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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