Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
