I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
