i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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