Don't make out with my wife yet
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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