Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
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My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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