please come you make the beer taste better
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Couch. On fire.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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