Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
