these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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