The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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