Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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