I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
