she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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