Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
