They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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