butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
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i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
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we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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