this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
