I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
