no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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