I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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