dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
