oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
