a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
ttyl tear gas
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
