I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
