"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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