i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
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He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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