all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
