I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
