dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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