I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
