he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just found puke in my bra..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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