Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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