I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
