Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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